A sad little memorial

Dan Verner
Published: May 24, 2008

A little while ago, about three blocks from where we live, an unfortunate young man came through an intersection and slammed into a traffic light pole. It happened about 4 a.m., but we did not know about it until we saw the pictures on television later from the news helicopters. The car was literally wrapped around the light pole. The young man did not survive. I do not know his name or what happened or what caused the accident. All I know is that his family and friends were thrown into deep shock and grief. It felt strange to have someone lose his life so close to where we live.

The traffic lights were out at the intersection for about a day as crews worked to repair them and police directed traffic. Not long after, one of those sad little homemade memorials appeared at the base of the light pole. I’m sure you’ve seen them, generally left by friends and family of young people who die in traffic accidents or shootings — flowers, stuffed animals, notes and letters, balloons, all marking the place where their loved ones lost their lives. One Sunday afternoon I saw some young people from a church across the street coming to leave their tributes at the base of the pole. Every time I drive by
I’m reminded by the memorial and by the scrapes and dents in the light pole of what happened.

It is unfortunate that anyone has to die suddenly and violently, especially someone so young. As I said I do not know the cause of the accident, but it doesn’t matter. People lost someone close and important to them.

When I was teaching in high school, one of the tasks that fell to the English department each year was to go over the Student Rights and Responsibilities document with every student. We had to do this the first two classes every year, which did not make for an engaging introduction to the class, but it was important that students were apprised of the rules and that they sign a statement to that effect.
Early on, I learned that students were interested in thousands of possible scenarios involving the rules, especially those in which they could break a rule and not be punished for it. “Say you’re standing there and someone walks up and hands you a bag of drugs and then security comes by and you’re busted? What about that? That’s not fair!” One year I team taught with a very astute social studies teacher who offered to do half the lessons, an offer I gratefully accepted. Her family had strong ties to the Navy, and when I asked her how the first lesson went, she said, “Bring out some rules and these kids all turn into little sea lawyers.” Eventually, I developed a speech for the students that went something like this, “You know what’s right and what’s wrong by this point. If you don’t, ask a responsible adult, not your 19-year-old boyfriend. Just do what you’re supposed to and you’ll be fine.” Sometimes students would thank me for telling them this. “It’s all so clear now,” some of them said.  Well, yes.

When it comes to traffic laws and driving, I think we all know the right things to do. I’m not saying the young man who lost his life was doing any of these things, but I think we all know that if we don’t speed, tailgate, drive aggressively, drive too fast for conditions, if we wear our seat belts, don’t drive when we’re tired, upset or impaired, maintain our cars in a safe condition, practice courtesy and stay alert, we’ll do a lot better. I’m as guilty as anyone of having done the wrong things or not done the right things at one time or another. We can’t eliminate all risk in this life, but we can reduce it. And the homemade memorials by the side of the road can remind us of this. Then maybe there won’t have to be quite as many sad little memorials.

Dan Verner is a Manassas resident. He will be contributing his thoughts and stories to the Perspective page on the second and last Sunday of every month.