Draining the pool of fun

Alfred Biddlecomb
Published: August 12, 2008

The image of the sign posted outside the Sherwood Forest Shores swimming pool where other kids and I spent most of our summer vacation remains etched in my mind. It featured a painting of a frantic
hand sticking out from the water accompanied by the words “Swim At Your Own Risk!”

As a curious eight-year-old who couldn’t wait to jump into the deep end, I paused to ask my parents what the sign meant. “If you drown, it’s your own fault,” they said.

Just one simple rule — blunt and easy to understand.

There was no life guard, just an empty lifeguard stand that kids would dive from when they thought their parents weren’t looking. Outside of our parents, the only responsible-looking adult anywhere near
the pool was the handyman who spent a lot of time cursing his unreliable lawn mower when he wasn’t dropping high doses of chlorine into the pool.

To my knowledge, no one at the pool died or even suffered a major injury (not that we didn’t try). That is, expect for the handyman who got sprayed with battery acid once while helping my mom get her
car started after a day of swimming and reckless horseplay.

This summer has been a pleasure for me since my son is old enough to take swimming lessons. After swimming lessons we go to our local pool to have fun.

I realize that my four-year-old lives in a different world than when I was a kid walking 10 miles to school through four feet of snow, uphill both ways.

I came face-to-face with the reality of this new world when my son and I were whistled for breaking pool rules after only five minutes. It’s apparently against the rules to put your kid’s foot into your cupped
hands and heave him 20 yards over your shoulder. It was the official father/son sport where I grew up.

My son — who’s not yet a swimmer but not afraid to go underwater — remained bubbling below the surface for a few seconds before I pulled him up. Disoriented, his mouth sprayed like a whale’s blow
hole before he caught his breath to yell, “Do it again!”

Nope. We apparently stood in violation of rule 18c.1 — “No flinging your son around the pool like a sack of potatos.”

Now I have no problems with the life guards. They do a great job while burdened with the responsibility of every soul in the pool. Unfortunately, life guards today are also burdened by lawyers and
insurance company representatives riding their backs, forcing them to enforce a growing number of rules.

Proof is on the signs posted outside every pool in our area. “Swim At Your Own Risk” has been replaced by a growing list of Do Nots. Our pool has about 18, but that’s only because they ran out of space.

A story in the Aug. 1 edition of the Washington Post chronicled these problems at community pools across the country. Lifeguards are blowing their whistles so much that some risk hyperventilation.

No longer can you go down the slide head first. My son found that one out last Saturday at our local pool. The Post story listed other rules that included no wearing long pants near the pool, no bouncing
more than once on the diving board, no eating in the water(?) and no “excessive breath holding.” I guess it’s always better to take a breath while swimming under water.

Once again, I don’t blame the people running the pool. They’re feeling pressure from the usual suspects. Lawyers suing on behalf of clients who get hurt at the pool and insurance companies afraid of
having to pay for someone’s injuries.

Every year the insurance companies send out memos to pools explaining various accidents (some worthy of Darwin Award nominations) and how new rules could avoid future injuries (read payout). High
dives, according to the Post story, are almost taboo and require a separate, expensive insurance policy.

I wouldn’t have lasted an hour in today’s pool atmosphere. Fun at the pool in my day meant chicken fights, raft tipping, pushing girls into the pool and hitting divers while in mid-air with a volleyball. With
these activities came regulation. If you hit one of the big kids with the volleyball, they beat you up. If your parents saw you diving off the lifeguard stand, they yanked you out and you spent the rest of the
day playing shuffleboard.

That’s part of the problem as well. We need more parents threatening their kids and yanking them out when things get out of hand. Instead, we defer to the lawyers and insurance companies who now
want our life guards to act as parents and pool police in addition to being life savers.

Alfred Biddlecomb is the former Opinion Editor for the Potomac News & Manassas Journal Messenger.