Dropping cash in the money pit

Alfred Biddlecomb
Published: March 25, 2008

Genesis tells us that in the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.

Unfortunately, there was little time to create a 42-inch bathroom vanity.

It is because of this divine omission in the creation of our universe that I’m stuck with a 42-inch hole in my master bathroom with a drain pipe sticking out of the wall.With the clock ticking down to the day
my town house goes on the market, I’d be hard-pressed to find a potted ficus large enough to cover this void where my bathroom sink and cabinet should be.

Yep, I’m sure chapter 1 of Genesis speaks of God creating the 36-inch vanity sometime after separating the earth from the sea on day three.

The 48-inch wide vanity came into existence shortly after humankind was created on day six. God rested and watched football on the seventh day and just didn’t get around to creating the 42-inch bathroom vanity that is needed to fill the void in my master bathroom.

I liked the old vanity and was reluctant to have our contractor rip it out of the wall. But I took the advice of my Realtor (registered trademark of the National Association of Realtors) and now it sits smothered under last week’s garbage at the local landfill. I’d have a better chance of spotting Big Foot, Chessie or a member of the Virginia General Assembly on a Friday afternoon than finding this vital
piece of bathroom furniture.

Anyone who has had major renovations done to their home can attest that there are good days and bad.

While entering week three of the extreme makeover of the Biddlecomb estate, I can attest that the good days are tempered by the writing of checks that rival those I wrote when paying my college tuition.

The vanity saga is something I never thought I would experience.

Bathroom vanities and vanity tops are the domain of designing women like Julia and Suzanne Sugarbaker. My original 42-inch vanity sat in a slot between two walls just outside my master bathroom.

Width is everything when it comes to a replacement. I knew I was in trouble when neither Home Depot nor Lowes carried anything of that specific width. The best I could do was wait until Home Depot had a “buy one, get one free” deal on a 21-inch vanity.

Since my town house was built in 1988, my only explanation is that the developer found a good deal at Hechinger. Hechinger went bankrupt 10 years ago and the 42-inch vanity died right along with it.

Of course this hole in the wall (the vanity space, not my town house) can be fixed.  I can special order one that will be shipped across the Pacific on the slow boat from China or I can have one custom made.

Either way, the only thing bigger than the hole in my wall is the one in my home equity line of credit.

I’m sure I could have gone down to 7-Eleven on U.S. 1 and had “a few good men” build me one from scratch, but… well… (see the case of Gary Jacobsen v. Chris Core).

All of this is part of the big gamble in selling my house in a down market.

If we sell in short order, my wife and I can take advantage of a depressed housing market and get a lot of house (and yard) for our dollar.

If the house sits on the market for months, then we will be stuck with higher mortgage payments, granite counter tops, new appliances, ceramic tile floors, a custom made 42-inch vanity and 14 people
and a pitbull living in the town house next door.

The one resolution I will make at the completion of this ordeal is to improve my carpentry skills to save money and frustration. Sure, I built some decent bird houses and a gun rack (that I still own) while
goofing off in high school woodshop. I’ve helped friends build decks and do basic plumbing, but I never mastered the skill of building custom counters and sinks.

Blessed is he who took the time to master this art.

I hear that Jesus’ dad was a pretty good carpenter and I bet he never had this problem.

Alfred Biddlecomb is the former Opinion Page editor for the Potomac News and Manassas Journal Messenger. Since he is still a resident of this area and knows quite a few things about life in Virginia,
we have asked him to contribute his thoughts to this page every Tuesday.