Looking for a love fest

John Merli
Published: March 12, 2008

While the Democrats never do things the easy way because life is too short to ever keep things simple, their current scenario for eventually arriving at a presidential nominee is breaking all records. Not records for voter turnout and attendance (although those have set high marks, as well), but records for complicating the process as much as humanly possible — and helping the Republican nominee at the same time. (And let’s be honest, would Republicans be as considerate?)

Politicos of all stripes are aghast, surprised and happy by the Democrats’ predicament, although it does have its share of good points. It’s certainly succeeding in pulling in loads of would-be voters under 30 who normally wouldn’t be venturing within a country mile of a political rally or a polling booth. So while longtime observers are surprised by the surge in participation by the huddled masses, they’re aghast by the tooth-and-nail combat going on between Hillary and Barack this late in the process.

What the opposing Democratic campaigns are doing to each other now is the political equivalent of being slowly pecked to death by ducks. Not only that, but this Democratic intra-party food fight is costing both candidates a fortune in campaign funds.

Here’s the irony of that scenario: The vast majority of those contributing relatively small amounts to both the Clinton and Obama campaigns have said they would likely vote for either guy, depending on whose name winds up on the November ballot. But a lot of the record funds already raised will not go to fight off John McCain, but to engage in hand-to-hand combat with each Democrat’s opposing Democratic rival.

Meanwhile, the politicos are also happy because as long as both candidates keep bashing each other, even within the same party, they have a lot more news to write and talk about — and after all, someone has to pay the pundits’ huge mortgages for the beach houses on Cape Cod, so it might as well be CNN, Fox News and MSNBC.

McCain (sort of adding insult to injury) is holding ranch-house barbecues for reporters amid the red rock canyons of Sedona, Arizona, and finding himself with all the time in the world to regroup, raise more money and brush up on his economic policies (or actually create some) as he waits for the Democrats to finish their internal bloodletting. And even though while he waits, he’s certainly not getting any younger (I’m limiting myself to only one cheap ageist joke per week for Lent), it’s an ideal situation for any candidate to find himself in.

So for the Democrats to minimize the damage and save enough money for an all-out war of words aimed at the GOP in the fall, Hillary and Barack really have to rein themselves in and appear to be smacking each other around without doing any real damage. After all, anything ugly they say about each other now can always be used by the GOP later. And it will be.

Both candidates already have been busy defending the other one from overly eager supporters: Obama firing a valued aide for calling Hillary a ‘monster;” and Hillary chastised former vice presidential candidate Geraldine Ferraro for suggesting that Obama is a serious candidate only because he’s black and would not be a candidate if he was a woman of any color. For the record, Obama is half-black and definitely not a woman of any color.

In the end, the only solution to the Democrats’ current dilemma is to follow the cherished Golden Rule and never speak ill of the other guy, no matter what. No more monster talk, no more unqualified commander-in-chief talk, no more snipping at each other’s real or perceived foibles talk.

What we’re looking for here, in effect, is a virtual Love Fest between two candidates of the same party with incredibly similar platforms. The Democrats need candidates who behave and do the prudent, logical, safest things to win in November. It could happen. Just not in our lifetime.

John Merli has been a Potomac News columnist since 1985. E-mail him at .