Staying home on the holidays

Alfred Biddlecomb
Published: May 28, 2008

The National Zoo is a nice place to take the wife and kids on the weekend because it’s free. Parking is a different story.

I learned that as my wife and I got together $15 to cover our three-hour stay with two minutes to spare until the price shot to $20.

It proved to be the highlight of our Memorial Day weekend, having postponed our annual trip to Ocean City until Labor Day. When you add up the price of gasoline, parking and free admission to the zoo, it
equals the cost of a two-night hotel stay and a box of saltwater taffy on the boardwalk.

Here are a few observations from a father and a family of four on a Saturday morning trip to the National Zoo.

— Why do so many parents still push their kids in strollers?

I‘m not talking about infants or even toddlers. I’m talking about kids capable of walking along side mom and dad. They were all over the place on Saturday. Kids old enough to talk on cell phones shouldn’t be riding in strollers. Our youngest is 2 and she walked the length of the zoo from the panda exhibit to the monkey house without breaking a sweat.

Sure, I had to play the role of Australian sheep dog and herd her and her brother every step of the way, but that’s part of parenthood.

The Washington Post did an entire series on childhood obesity last week. Some blame poor diets, television or the video game culture. As for me, I blame parents who push their kids in strollers until the
time they take their driver’s test. Message to parents: If your kids are old enough to tell you to go left or right, you shouldn’t be pushing them in a stroller.

— What’s the fine for carrying a rubber snake into the Reptile House? I thought of this as my 4-year-old son began to freak out when he found himself face-to-face with a copperhead on the other side of
the glass.

The Reptile House has more snakes than an Indiana Jones movie, which means a $2 rubber snake from Wal-Mart could probably cause mass panic. Heck, waving a broken fan belt would probably be
grounds for getting Tazered by zoo security.

— Speaking of healthy eating, we decided to go to the Monkey House after feasting on a banana and some juice at a nearby snack stand ($6).

Our 2-year-old then proceeded to throw it all up when the smell from the gorilla exhibit crossed her nostrils. I’ll give her credit, she had strategic placement —three feet inside the entrance to the Monkey
House.

I quickly cleaned my daughter’s chin and got her off to the side when I heard the first, “Dude, look what you just stepped in!” A steady stream of visitors walked into the exhibit only to make sudden leaps
to dodge the remains of my daughter’s midmorning snack. No one saw us and we were poised to make a clean getaway, until my wife mentioned the security cameras and Karma.

— Sometimes watching too much television is a good thing. This was the case when we visited the Small Mammal House and my son correctly pointed out a pygmy marmoset while standing in front of a
zoo staffer. “You’re a smart little boy,” she said.

I didn’t tell her we had just seen the pygmy marmoset on a recent episode of Dora the Explorer. My son shed his boy genius persona one minute later when he asked the same staffer where he could see
the jackalope.

— I’ve been to the National Zoo four times over the past seven years and each time I’ve nearly killed my family and innocent drivers while trying to navigate traffic circles.

Anyone nearly run off the road Saturday morning while transiting the traffic circle on Connecticut Avenue headed toward Chevy Chase can blame me. I’ve never traveled through a traffic circle without
hearing at least one horn or seeing one obscene hand gesture. I’m a Virginian by birth therefore have nothing but contempt for traffic circles — that is unless it’s underneath a statue of Robert E. Lee on
Richmond’s Monument Avenue.

— One final note. I couldn’t walk anywhere inside the zoo without seeing a sign promoting the FONZ. Though I looked, I saw no signs of Henry Winkler.What a let down.

Alfred Biddlecomb is the former Opinion Page editor for the Potomac News and Manassas Journal Messenger.