The curmudgeonly grammarian

Dan Verner
Published: July 20, 2008

All right, full disclosure here. I taught English in public high school for 32 years before retiring five years ago. More often than not, when I met people for the first time, especially when I was teaching, their comment on learning what I did for a living was, “I’d better watch my grammar.” Sometimes if I was in a smart mood (which I am most of the time) I would tell them I wasn’t issuing any grammar tickets that day.

Somehow there is a perception that English teachers are obsessed with grammar and with correcting the grammar of people they meet for the first time. I never was that fond of grammar, although I know about it, and telling a new acquaintance their subjects and verbs don’t agree is not the shining path to friendship. I think this perception stems from the school of prescriptive grammar which holds to certain unchanging rules of grammar and usage: “Ain’t ain’t in the dictionary.” “Don’t use no double negatives.” And so on. 

Actually, there is another school of grammar, the descriptive school, which sees grammar as a description of how speakers of the language use it and derives principles of usage from a consensus of use.
In this view, grammar (and language) change. To my way of thinking, that’s a good thing. I would not want to still be speaking Anglo-Saxon with its convoluted grammar and 10,000 word vocabulary (and
associated plundering and pillaging). So, the distinction between “shall” and “will” is not much observed these days. It was too much to keep up with and probably not necessary in the first place. The
differences between “who” and “whom” and “lie” and “lay” are on their way out, to my way of thinking. They’re just too complicated for everyday use. I know, I’m consigning modern civilization to total ruin
with attitudes like that, but we still have Deal or No Deal.

That said, I would like to exercise my prerogative as a grammar curmudgeon (of the prescriptive school) to complain about some phrases in current use. I don’t care for them, for various reasons, although
that’s not going to stop anyone from using them. The descriptive school side of me recognizes that.  But here they are:

Giving it 110 percent — If you can give something 110 percent effort either your effort-o-meter wasn’t calibrated correctly in the first place or you’ve just killed yourself through overexertion. About the only
entity I know that can give 110 percent is the space shuttle engine.

Thinking outside the box — Use of this phrase shows you’re not thinking outside the box. Stop using it.  What box, where, anyhow?

Most unique — Wrong, wrong, wrong. Either something is unique, one of a kind, or it’s not. Just say “unique.” You’ll live longer.

None — Repeat after me: “‘None’ is singular.” I hear otherwise sophisticated and urbane newscasters say things like “None of the accident victims were injured.” Nope. None of them was injured.

The next level — I hear people talk about taking whatever to the next level and I’m puzzled. Are there levels to experience? 

How do we know where one level stops and another one starts? How do we know when we get there? Atomic particles have levels but most other things don’t.

Step up to the plate — This evidently means to face up to something or to take on responsibility. Ordinary people shouldn’t say this unless they are Ryan Zimmerman (and he’s on the D.L. these days).

Gift as a verb — Some nouns can be verbs, but why make a noun a verb if you have a perfectly good verb sitting there waiting to be used? “I’m going to gift you with some oil stock,” doesn’t sound as
good as “I’m going to give you some oil stock.”

Interactive — Judging from everything that is described as interactive, everything is interactive. I heard a teacher once describe a quiz as “an interactive learning experience.” Everything is pretty much
interactive unless you’re dead so there’s no need to describe it as such.

Whew. I feel better now, as if my inner prescriptive grammarian has been exorcized … or is that exercised?

Coming soon: phrases and usages I do like.

Dan Verner is a Manassas resident. He contributes his thoughts and stories to the Perspective page on Sundays.