Doing whatever it takes to get elected

John S. Gray
Published: May 2, 2008

If I ever run for office again — which I doubt I will because I don’t want my house searched again for some fictitious 17 year old girl I’m holding hostage against her will — I now know how to do it right. So voters, beware, I’m telling you right now that I will lie through my teeth and tell you whatever you want to hear.

Doesn’t matter, I’m just going to lie. To you sir, I’ll tell you what I think you want to hear and to you madam, I’ll tell you what I think you want to hear.
Then no one can accuse me of lying because I’m being truthful today in telling you I’m going to lie! I’m going to tell Republicans we need to reduce spending, cut taxes and get rid of all the immigrants (legal, illegal, it doesn’t matter, they’re immigrants) and Democrats, I’ll tell you we need to get rid of all the three-toed, knuckle dragging Neanderthal Republicans because they don’t care about anything but guns, God and gays, all irrelevant social issues. Then when I do get elected,  I’ll raise your taxes, increase spending for what I think will get me reelected and decrease spending for things I don’t give a crap about.

Basically, I’ll do whatever I want because you’re not going to remember when I run for reelection anyway!

JOHN S. GRAY

Lake Ridge