Worth the Sacrifice

By Dave Fawcett

Published: March 13, 2008

Brian Coleman saw no reason to delay the inevitable, no matter how painful it was. His mother Toby had lung cancer and wasn't expected to live much longer, forcing him to face an unpleasant truth: he needed to find a new home.

His father Mark died when Coleman was four, but there were still options. He could live with his brother Sam, who had just graduated from high school. Or move in with a friend.

Coleman, then a junior at Mount Vernon High School, appreciated the offers, but politely declined each one.

He had other plans. He was moving in with Eric Brent.

Of course, this was news to Brent.

The two had known each other for years, from living in the same apartment complex to being at Mount Vernon, where Brent coached Coleman in basketball.

But taking in a teenager at this point in his life? Brent was a 24-year-old single man, living in a two-bedroom apartment and trying to survive on a teacher's salary that barely covered his own expenses. How could he afford another responsibility?

"He asked me what I was going to do and I told him I was going to live with him," said Coleman, recalling the day he told Brent of his plans. "He said I would love for you to live with me, but I can't take you in."

Brent then chuckled, thinking the discussion was over. It wasn't.

"I was serious," Coleman said.

Brent couldn't turn away. It wasn't in his makeup. He followed his heart and gained custody of Coleman after Coleman's mother died in August of 1990.

They lived together for less than a year, but a bond was in place. And even though jobs, school and marriage pulled them in different directions, they never drifted apart from what drew them together in the first place.

Coleman saw in Brent a mature and grounded individual who could provide a safe and stable environment. Brent saw a kid in need.

"There was only one person who could help me overcome this and that was him," said Coleman, who along with Brent will be in Richmond today for the Group AAA state girls basketball final between Forest Park and Heritage. Brent is Forest Park's second-year principal, while Coleman has been a part of the Forest Park program since its inception in 2000.

Brent calls Coleman's memory "a rolodex" for good reason. Coleman can recall moments with such clarity, it's like they happened yesterday instead of years ago.

Coleman remembers Brent's days as a high school basketball star at Mount Vernon, where as a senior, he led the Northern Region in scoring at 23.1 points per game. Every morning after a Majors' basketball game, Coleman checked the box score in the newspaper to see how many points Brent had.

Coleman followed Brent at James Madison University as well, where Brent became a second-team all-Colonial Athletic Association selection his senior season.

Coleman even remembers going to a Mount Vernon basketball camp Brent was working at. The NBA Draft was the next day and Coleman figured Brent was eyeing a professional basketball career. Brent was not.

"I was disappointed, but he was content," Coleman said.

But most of all, Coleman remembers how kind Brent was to everyone around him. Even though he was the big man on campus, he always made time for others, especially young kids like Coleman.

The first time they met, Coleman said Brent stuck his hand out and with a broad smile asked how Coleman was.

"I couldn't ask another question because I was so nervous," said Coleman, who likened the experience to meeting someone like Michael Jordan.

Brent is the same person today he was then. Credit his mother Barbara for that.

A man of humble beginnings, Brent learned early on to always treat others with respect. That was one of many lessons his mother taught him as she raised Brent and his four siblings by herself. Brent was born in Washington D.C., but moved into an apartment complex off Route 1 in Alexandria at the end of his eighth grade year.

Brent joked that the complex was a step up from where his family lived in Washington, but it still was a rough neighborhood filled with dark corners.

Crammed into a three bedroom apartment, Brent's family had little money and no car.

But circumstances aside, the Brent children were expected to behave the right way.

Education and church provided the foundation. Mom made sure of it.

"She always told us to give our best and there were no excuses to fail, only reasons to succeed," Brent said.

That's why the heart won over the mind as Brent weighed his dilemma regarding Coleman.

Without much money, Brent was not financially prepared to raise a high school senior who was only seven years younger than himself. But Brent pushed ahead. After Toby Coleman died, a judge, with the blessing of Coleman's two older brothers, granted Brent custody of Coleman.

The day Brent picked Coleman up at the apartment, they threw away all of Coleman's clothes and declared it a new day.

"We were going to start fresh," Brent said.

Brent bought Coleman a bed and clothes. He also drove him to and from school each day.

"He had nothing, but we made it work," Brent said.

One person eyeing the situation was Brent's future wife, Diana. When she heard what Brent was trying to do, her heart filled with joy.

"It helped attract me to Eric even more," said Diana Brent, who at the time was working as a guidance counselor with her future husband at Mount Vernon. "Just knowing the passion and love he has for kids generally, it touched me honestly."

From the start, the relationship was not a roommate living with a roommate. It was parent and child and the boundaries were clear. Coleman was expected to do his homework, make his bed, press his clothes,

Coleman rarely tested Brent, but when he did, he learned not to do it again.

In one instance, Coleman lied to Brent about why he violated curfew. The punishment: Coleman was grounded.

In another situation, Coleman and Brent were playing in a pick-up basketball game at Mount Vernon. Coleman said something inappropriate to Brent. Brent asked him to apologize. When Coleman refused, Brent gave him one more chance to apologize. Coleman refused again.

"The next three days, he wouldn't talk to me," Coleman said.

The silence was too much for Coleman.

"He taught me a lesson without saying a word," said Coleman, who still recalls the comment he made, but refused to say what it was.

The two separated in March of 1991 when Brent and Diana became engaged. With an impending marriage, Brent believed he could not provide the family atmosphere and stability Coleman needed right then. So Coleman finished out his senior year of high school living with Mount Vernon assistant boys basketball coach Charles Scudder and his family.

"I didn't want him to leave, but I knew it was the best thing for him," Brent said.

Upon high school graduation, Coleman attended Lynchburg College, where he lasted for a year and a half. On his own for the first time, he took advantage of his freedom. Although he declined to say whether he was asked to leave by Lynchburg or left on his own accord, Coleman did say "I voluntarily got in my car when I left."

He eventually landed in Delaware, where his oldest brother Jody was stationed at a nearby Air Force base. Coleman enrolled at Wesley College in Dover and graduated from there in 1998.

During his college years, Coleman kept in touch with Brent, but shared only what he wanted Brent to know for fear of disappointing him. Brent said he still doesn't know all the details about what happened in Lynchburg, but he sees that Coleman has learned from it.

The two now live three miles apart from each other in Montclair and are as close as ever. Coleman considers Brent and wife his parents. Even now, he still calls the 42-year-old Brent "Coach Brent" and Diana Brent "Miss D." He does so out of respect, pointing out you don't stop calling your parents mom and dad when you reach a certain age.

Coleman, 35, seeks advice from the Brents on numerous things, including marriage.

Coleman, who is engaged with plans to get married in August, made sure that his future wife Nora met the Brents.

"Getting their approval was very important," Coleman said. "I want what he and 'Miss D' have. He loves and adores her and fortunately I have found someone like that too."

The day his mom died, Coleman was in the gym at Mount Vernon, which was typical. Anytime, Coleman needed to get away from the world for a moment, the gym provided a safe haven.

Sam had called earlier in the day, asking Coleman if he wanted to come to the hospital one final time since it appeared their mother only had a few hours left to live. Coleman declined. He had said everything he wanted to say to her two nights before when she was still home, telling her he loved her and "they would get through this."

That day in the gym, Brent saw Coleman and asked if he had taken his senior pictures. Coleman said no he had not and his eyes filled with tears. Without saying a word, Brent left Coleman alone.

Brent asked no questions. He knew how best to handle the situation.

That's how Brent operated then and it's how he operates now. A true heart for kids never misses the mark.

Coleman recognized those qualities in Brent at an early age and realized he wanted to tap into it. He saw no reason to look elsewhere, no matter what else tugged at him. A new path beckoned and Brent showed the way, a lesson Coleman wants to share with others now, especially those in education. There is always a need. But the need must be met.

"The important thing is that educators need to stick by these kids when they are going through tough times," said Coleman, who teaches sixth grade math at Fred Lynn Middle School "Trust me. They need the influence in their life and need to know that an educator truly cares about you."

"Coach Brent" taught his student well, but the teaching goes on.

David Fawcett is the sports editor of the Potomac News & Manassas Journal Messenger. Reach him at 703-878-8052 or at