So, it is election time once again. Wait, doesn’t it seem like we’ve all been in a perpetual election for the last three years? Remember when elections happened and then people went back to being normal?
Those were the good old days, I guess. Like it or not it’s once again time for political bickering, social media grandstanding, battles in the comments section, commercials with creepy music and of course thousands of urgent letters to the editor. Send yours in we are waiting!
Everyone starts elbowing into my column space with endorsements, conspiracies, pleas and proclamations and it gets a bit crampy in the old editorial section. Just keep it civil!
Perhaps my biggest election peeve is the dizzying onslaught of yard signs.
Has anyone ever looked at a political sign and said, “I will vote for this person because they have a nice name, a sexy font, dazzling colors or because one sign is larger?”
What about the homemade ones? Those tend to be wacky. I saw one in the woods once near a fishing spot that listed at least 15 conspiracies—I walked a little quicker.
There’s another hand-painted one on Route 3 that reads “Feel the Bern 2020.”
All around town these signs are ruining everyone’s view, blocking sightlines and spoiling green hillsides. Deer must weave in-and-out of signs to get hit these days!
Do signs really work? Do they equal votes?
They must, because it seems that all one must do is buy thousands of them.
Who picks them up?
An ancient alien theorist once said, “all politics are local.”
The other day I spotted lots of school election signs hanging in all six local elementary schools.
They were creative, funny and better than the ones grownups create.
I still recall one from a couple years back it read, “Please vote for me, I already told my parents I won.”
This kid must have had a few ethical concerns, but that never stopped a political dream in this country. Never let honesty ruin a strong run for office.
It also shows a solid sense of humor and a serious will to succeed.
There are plenty of traditional posters, like those that proclaim, “no bullying, better lunches and more social activities.” Those are a bit standard. Another favorite is the poster that touts little league success or a willingness to dress the part. I mean some kids really do dress like a treasurer or supervisor.
Those running for school president tend to be the kids that have it all---nicely matching teeth, cool hair, normal noses and plenty of successful endeavors in and out of school. Their posters are most likely outsourced to a top-flight marketing firm or perhaps an overly enthusiastic parent.
Vice-presidential candidates tend to be Machiavellian in elementary school. They tend to be under-the-radar types… the type of kid who suggests no homework on Friday or Tuesday.
As a kid there can be a shady past, including how your parents dress you, strange school photos, oddly cut hair, misshapen heads and of course the ever-embarrassing nose dig that you thought was cloaked in secrecy.
Are these candidates fully vetted by the press? Is there an active press in your child’s school? Don’t just rely on crayon scribbles on the bathroom wall for information on your preferred candidate.
Do they have a scandalous history of homework neglect, talking too loudly in the hall or perhaps a few careless tosses of tater tots in the cafeteria?
There must be a level of trust between student candidates and the school’s administrators, right? There can’t be any mavericks or budding revolutionaries in the mix.
Admittedly, I had a rebellious nature as a kid, and it led to a middle school journey to military school.
Be careful of the kids that boldly proclaim an end to all homework or believe in serving only ice cream for lunch. Be wary of too many promises that are largely out of their realm of power.
Signs, signs and more signs.